handjob tips. give me some.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
