Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
