She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
