It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
