I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize