I wish my penis had an off switch
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize