I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
