I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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