What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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