Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
