been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
