Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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