Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
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