So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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