he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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