That's intense
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When did angry sex become our thing?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
