i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
