His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
