Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
