I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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