she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
