Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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