Your face is a jimmy john
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i drank out of a bidet.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
