i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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