so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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