I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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