you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
