I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Plan B is the new Plan A
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
