good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
