I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
