You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
bring money and cleavage
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
