Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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