Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
