you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
