he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
