She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
