You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
