i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
