I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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