it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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