Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
