marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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