Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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