Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What changed your mind?
Being sober
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
