No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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