I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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