All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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