fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
