shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
