You're so nebulous sometimes
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
