I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
