you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
