porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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