Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
