I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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