Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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