My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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