I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
