we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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