Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize