Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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