His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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