so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
