I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
