It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
