remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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