She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
