I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
